Dear Zucchini

Dear Zucchini-

We have to talk. Things haven't been good between us for a while now. I avoid you when I open the refrigerator door. I choose lettuce over you. Today I picked you up and you were cold to the touch. Cold and clammy. No one wants to eat cold and clammy. Its unattractive.

What I'm trying to say is: Its over.

I tried. I did. First I roasted you with some olive oil and salt. And you were, well....boring. But I thought, hey, first dates are always awkward. Maybe you need a little help in the flavor department (it happens to everyone), something to give you a little zing, a little mystery, a little je ne sais quoi. So I slipped you in a salad with my favorite balsamic vinaigrette. I was excited. I was anticipating sparks. And.....nothing. Nada. I left you on the bottom of the bowl. But still, STILL I rationalized. This should work. WE should work. Maybe you just weren't supposed to be a vegetable. Maybe you were a baked good in a past life. In a last ditch effort I paired you with what might be my favorite food in the entire world: Chocolate. Surely you would be friends I thought. Everyone likes chocolate. And chocolate makes everything yummier, sexier. Surely I would see a new and improved you through chocolate tinted glasses.

And then you did this:

And well, I can pretend no more. Its not that there is anything horribly wrong with you. But there's nothing right either. And even paired with chocolate, you just taste weird. Its time to face the facts, we have no chemistry.

I wish you nothing but the best and can only hope that your relationship with Jen is progressing better.

Emily

PS: There's nothing wrong with this recipe. Its yummy. If you like zucchini. Which I don't.

Chocolate Zucchini Bread

(makes 2 smallish loafs or one giant unwieldy loaf)

2 (1 ounce) squares unsweetened chocolate
3 eggs
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil

1/2 applesauce
2 cups grated zucchini
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 cup semisweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease two 9x5 inch loaf pans. In a microwave-safe bowl, microwave chocolate until melted. Stir occasionally until chocolate is smooth.
2. In a large bowl, combine eggs, sugar, oil, grated zucchini, vanilla and chocolate; beat well. Stir in the flour baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Fold in the chocolate chips. Pour batter into prepared loaf pans.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 60 to 70 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a loaf comes out clean.